Ripped by Bornholm
Oh, uh, Murray.
The new kid on the spot, he, uh- he, uh, knows the cue, right?
- Yeah, yeah, heīs fine, Lou. - Thatīs good.
You know, I think Iīll do the floating ball trick. That always gets īem.
- Thatīs good. Sounds good. - Good.
The fabulous Nick Lewin!
Wonderful magic. Wonderful.
And now, a man who has appeared here, at the Magic Castle since we opened in the year 1932.
Please, a Warm Welcome for the master of prestidigitation,
Mr. Lou Bundles!
Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
And thank you, Murray.
You know, they say you canīt teach an old dog new tricks.
Itīs not What you do. Itīs the Way that you do it.
May I have a volunteer from the audience, please? You, miss?
Come on. Oh, come on. Come on. You can come.
Letīs have a round of applause to get her up here, please. Thank you.
Thatīs it.
Watch your step. Now this is an ordinary deck of playing cards. Am I right?
- Yes, it is. - All right. Thank you.
I want you to pick a card. Donīt show it to me, just to the audience.
Any card you Want.
All right?
All right, now just place that card right back in the deck anywhere you please.
All righty. Now, Iīm going to shuffle the cards right in front of you.
just like that. Your card has jumped to the top of the deck right now.
Pick the card and show the audience.
There you are.
- That your card? - No, itīs not.
- What do you mean itīs not your card? - Iīm sorry. Itīs not.
- You sure? - Iīm sure.
All right, place the card back into the deck.
All right, thatīs fine. Now Iīm going to shuffle them again, all right?
Oh. Excuse me. Thatīs all right. No, no.
Here we are. Now your card has just jumped to the top of the deck.
Show the audience.
There you go. Show the audience.
Wrong again, old-timer!
- Isnīt that your card? - No, itīs not.
It has to- It has to be your card.
- What was your card? - My card was the ten of hearts.
Ten of hearts? It couldnīt be.
Heīs looking through them. Heīs looking through the cards.
Damn it!
Hiya, Murray.!
I think it went pretty good tonight. I mean, all things considered.
I guess you noticed I had a little trouble out there. That kid on the lights.
Look, Murray, I wanna talk to you about something. Uh-
What is it?
- I gotta pull you, Lou. - What?
I canīt let this continue.
Hey, Murray, look. I mean, I had an off night. I mean, okay.
So, a guyīs entitled to one off night.
Itīs not just tonight.
Honest to God, Iīm sorry about it, Lou.
Hey, Murray, you, uh, talking about firing me?
Ah, it could never happen.
Look, theyīll always be a place for you here, as long as Iīm running the business.
What, as a charity?
What are you gonna do, put me in a washroom?
You gonna make a doorman out of me, huh?
No, youīre wrong, Murray. My time hasnīt come yet.
No, sir. Not by a long shot.
And Iīll know when my time comes. Iīll let you know. It hasnīt come yet.
I think maybe it has, Lou.
You think? You think?
I wonder what your father would have said, if he heard what you just said to me right now?
- Heīd have turned over in his grave! - No, Murray, no.
When my time comes, Iīll let you know. And itīs not now, not yet.
Okay, if thatīs what you say.
- Usual, Lou? - Huh?
- You okay? - Fine.
Uh, Joe, Iīll just have a cold glass of water. Thatīs all.
Sure. Okay.
Lou, honey, howīd the show go tonight?
- Not so hot. - Lousy crowd, huh?
Oh, the crowd was great. It was me who was lousy.
Ah. Lou, everyone has an off night sometimes.
Off night?
Murrayīs thinking of putting me out to pasture.
Me. I got commendations from President Hoover, Roosevelt, Truman.
I got love letters from big-time Hollywood movie stars.
Me! Iīm Lou Bundles, damn it!
But if I am gonna go out, Iīll tell you one thing. I wanna go out in style.
Just give me that.
Murray wonīt even have to hold the door open.
- Okay. Take it easy. Hey, Lou, you got a minute? - Yeah?
I got someone here I want you to meet.
Lou Bundles, this is my brother-in-law, Harry Stryker.
- Heīs a real big fan of yours. - Oh?
This is a great honor for me, Mr.- Mr. Bundles. Um-
1946, my wife, Flora and I, we took a vacation...
in Hollywood, uh, Florida, at the Bellvue Arms Hotel just to see you.
- Wonīt you sit down? - Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. jack here tells me that youīre still working.
Well, kind of.
I just canīt believe it. Here I am sitting having a conversation...
With the great Lou Bundles.
Me. Me. Harry Stryker from Teaneck, NewJersey.
- I canīt believe it. - Calm down, Harry. Calm down.
- Lou? - Yeah?
Maybe youīd do a little trick for us, please? Please?
- Give īem a shot, Lou. Go on. - All right.
- May I have your scarf? - Oh, yes, sure.
There we are. The ladyīs scarf, right?
Okay. Now we have here a knife and a fork. Am I right?
- Yes. - Now we take the knife and the fork...
and we put them underneath the scarf, right?
- Yes, sir. - Now we had the scarf and the fork right here.
And we have no more fork.
Thatīs amazing!
I wish my wife Flora were alive to see this here.
joe, I think somebody is stealing your silverware.
- Oh? - Oh, yes, right here. There you are.
No, no, I swear. I didnīt take īem.
Not only that,Joe, but the man is stealing your food.
- The man is a bagel burglar. - He did it again.
Itīs amazing. How did you do that?
Great. Hey, I, uh- I heard you got two weeks in Vegas.
- Yep. - That should be great.
- Iīll get that ball for you. - Yeah.
- Here you go. - Huh? Oh.
Feels a little heavy.
- Itīs standard, Lou. - You sure?
- I got to put on a great performance tonight. - Right, Lou. You mentioned that.
- just so you know. - Is there something else?
Lou?
Huh? Oh, yeah. Uh-
Cards. I need cards.
- Here you go. - No, no, not those new plastic cheap ones.
No, no. Those got me in trouble last time.
- Thatīs all we got. What do you mean, thatīs all you got? What about those?
They look all right to me.
Iīm sorry, Lou. Nobody asks for this old stuff anymore.
Old stuff? Yeah. How much I owe you for all this?
No. Murray says itīs on the house.
Lou Bundles pays his own way.
What do you say I give you two bits and we call it quits?
- Okay. - All right? Good.
Knock īem dead, Lou.
Thanks.
- The amazing Miss Jane West.! - Great.
So talented, and, oh, so young.
- Now, back by popular demand,
the master of magic himself, Lou Bundles.
Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. And thank you, Murray.
I knew Murray when his father ran this place.
Itīs nice to see that Murrayīs keeping up the old Ways...
and the old wages.
Well, itīs getting a little stuffy in here tonight, eh?
- You know, I would like to take some magic- - For crying out loud.
Tonight is the night- Get that ball, please.
Can you get that? This ball, the one that went over here.
No, no. Get up.
Do you mind if I get this ball? Where did it go?
It went down here, didnīt it? Through here.
- Someoneīs gotta have the ball. Whereīs the ball? - Itīs over here.
- What? Where? - Itīs over here.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Be very careful. Thatīs it. Iīll just have the bird.
Come on, sweetheart. Thatīs it. Come on, baby. Come on.
There we are.
Okay.
All right.
All right, folks. Calm down. Weīre all gonna see a lot of magic here.
Okay. All right, all right.
Letīs calm down. Letīs get collected.
We have a few card tricks now. I need a volunteer.
I was wrong. Here you go, Lou.
- Thank you,Joe. - Iīll say it again. Lou, I was dead wrong.
You were incredible. You blew my socks off.
Hey, what am I talking? You blew everybodyīs socks off.
Let me tell you something, Lou. True. You are absolutely at the top of your game.
What am I talking? You are absolutely at the tippy top of your game.
The brisketīs very lean.
Hey, you got a deck of cards?
Murray, Iīm having lunch.
Letīs talk business.
- Business? - Right.
Six shows a week. Name your price. Two on Friday.
Murray, Iīm no spring chicken anymore.
Fine. One on Friday.
Hey, how is your health? You taking care of yourself? You getting enough sleep?
- Look how Iīm eating. - You need a little cash?
No, Iīm okeydoke in that department.
But you could do me a favor.
Uh, I have a few friends. Could I have a couple of passes?
- Done. Done! - Look, I gotta fly now.
Enjoy.
The trick. Some remote-control device, huh? Thatīs it?
Murray.
- Itīs magic. - Hmm?
- Magic. - Mm-hmm.
Hey, Joe. Could I have a cold glass of Seltzer, please?
Thank you.
Still the one, still the only, after 50 years,
still the amazing, Mr. Lou Bundles!
Thank you.
Do you, King of Hearts, take this queen of hearts as your lawfully-wedded wife?
And do you, Queen of Hearts, take this king of hearts as your lawfully-wedded husband?
And with the power invested in me as your personal magician,
I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Yeah!
Bravo! Bravo!
How are you? Beautiful show. joe. Joe.
I want you to give all these people anything they want.
- Put it on my tab. - Youīre the boss, Lou.
What, boss? Heīs the greatest magician on the face of the earth.
- Hey, Lou. - Yeah?
- How ībout a little magic? - Yeah. Please. Come on.
You want magic? You got magic.
Oh, great.
Now watch these cards. Dirty and-
Ha!
Okay. And-
Ha!
Come on. Hey. Get the card-
Come on now, guys. We gotta work.
- I donīt get it. - Itīs all right. It doesnīt matter.
Maybe youīre just a little tired, Mr. Bundles.
No, thereīs something wrong with the cards.
Theyīre old cards, Lou.
Give me those cards!
Oh, no! Oh, no!
There now.
All you guys needed Was a little rest.
A little glue, a little tape, and youīre just like new.
You know, when you get a little older, you need a little more attention.
A little more attention, thatīs all.
You know What you guys need? A good wax job. Yeah.
And if I want it done right, Iīm gonna have to do it myself.
And I will. Yeah.
There you are.
There. Ah, you look perfect.
You look more beautiful than all the stars in the sky.
You guys just hanging up there in the air.
Oh, by the way, I told Murray-
I said, "Murray, Iīm only gonna use you, once a performance and thatīs it"
Weīre no carny sideshow.
Weīre a magic act.
Oh, I got a little surprise for you.
Yeah. Ta-da!
Itīs a traveling case. Genuine leather. $37.50.
For you guys so you can travel in style and comfort.
Huh? Yeah. All for you.
Iīve been thinking about the performance tonight. You know, I got an idea.
You know the song, "Autumn Leaves"?
. The autumn leaves go by my window ..
You know. Well, Iīm gonna play it on the piano,
and Iīm gonna leave you guys on the table, see?
Now, as soon as the music starts,
youīre gonna form up into a nice beautiful maple tree, right?
Itīs autumn leaves.
So somewhere in the song youīll start to fall off one by one and one by one.
And then as you all fall down onto the floor,
then instead of being swept up like youīre gonna be put into the incinerator,
as soon as I bend down, youīll spring back up and youīll become a big cherry blossom.
Thatīll get īem. Oh, boy. Huh?
What do you say? You wanna try it? Okay? Letīs run it once, all right?
And one, two, three.
.. The autumn leaves.. Come on.
..Be by my WindoW.... Come on. You can do it.
You just did it. Come on. Fly.
Come on. Fly.
Come on. Fly!
Come on. Youīre-Youīre flying cards! Youīre not a ton of bricks, damn it! Fly!
Fly.!
You tricked me. Sure, you tricked me!
It was one great show, and that was it, right?
One great show, and that was it!
And you had it fixed. You knew it all the time. You knew it all the time!
You thought youīd taken over the act, right?
Iīm Lou Bundles. Iīve been a star for 50 years,
and Iīm gonna go on being a star, with or without you!
You wanna quit? Quit. But I donīt quit!
You Wanna see magic? Iīll shoWyou magic.
Iīll show you magic!
See the egg? Now-
Here. You see the knife?
Now you donīt.
And now, Mr. Magic himself, Lou Bundles.!
Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
You know, when I was about four years old,
I saw a magician pull a rabbit out of a hat.
From that moment on, I said to myself,
"Lou, thatīs the life for you"
For the past 70 years, magic has been my life.
And Iīve enjoyed every moment of it.
You see, to me, magic is the greatest show on earth.
And when a magician can no longer create,
itīs time for him, as they say in the business,
to pack up and leave quietly.
And I think that time has come for Lou Bundles.
Thereīll be no tricks tonight.
You see, weīd like to leave while weīre still on top,
all 53 of us.
So Iīd like to wish you all...
a fond good night,
good-bye,
and God bless.
Thank you.
Bravo.! Bravo.!
Ripped by Bornholm